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Talk:How Bizarre/@comment-24712996-20140617184952
I'm so sick of rape apologists harassing me. One in five women in England are victims of sexual assault. One in three women of the planet will be raped, beaten or abused in their life time. And yet people around the world think that the behaviour of women is to blame and that our choices have this magical power to prevent rape. Pull the other one, mate. In India, a young woman went to the movies with her friend, who happened to be male, and they were assaulted and beaten when they got onto a bus and cruelly thrown off naked hours later in the street. The young woman was viciously gang raped by six men, one of whom was a minor at the time, and sadly died two weeks later due to severe injuries from the attack. My heart broke. For the victim, for her friend, for her family, and for countless others who go through this trauma every single day and whose pain is often dismissed or ridiculed by others in society. I cannot tell you how sickened I am by this as I'm sure so many of you are. That particular incident in India led to protests against the position of women in society, not only in India as it also got people thinking about how women are treated around the world and how much they have to endure, and how much as an International community we have in common - whether you live in India, America, Spain or UK we have that thing in common where women have to deal with harassment and sexual assault which they're ultimately blamed for. This particular attitude was highlighted when the lawyer of the rapists involved in the case of the young Indian woman came out with the chilling statement that no 'respectable lady' gets raped. ER, WHAT?! The lawyer obviously still lives in an era where he probably expects women to be in the kitchen and it's his way or the high way. However, let’s just take a minute to look at what this assumption is as to what it means to be a 'respectable lady'. Now, I'm assuming that to him a 'respectable lady' is someone who doesn't stay out late, doesn't party, doesn't drink and wears 'modest' clothing. Basically, the idea is that we hand over our personal freedom and along with that our right to choose what we do, when we go out, who we go out with and the clothes we wear. Here, take my freedom and you decide how I live my life...NO. This lawyer should understand that when we do go out we don't get dressed to lure men and victimize them - pretty sure when I bought that cute dress from Oasis it was because I thought I looked good in it, not because I wondered whether any of man for thought I looked like J-Law in it. It's a difficult concept to grasp but I do not base my decisions on what you think. Shocking, I know. My super cute red lace dress is not to lure you in and tease you, I wear it because I like it and want to go out looking like one of those stylish Parisian girls. Its fine thinking someone looks hot but do not take what they're wearing as an invitation for sex. Do not blame a victim on her clothing choices as women who do not dress like a 'slut' also get raped. And harassed. And put down by society for 'asking for it'. I'm a young woman. I like pretty clothes and dressing up, and while I'm not a big partier, I have friends who love to go clubbing and rock that tight dress which shows off their amazing bodies. Just because they may wear a tight dress does not mean they want sex with you. Do not blur the lines of consent and become Robin Thicke Jnr. This thinking also buys into the assumption that only certain 'types' of women get assaulted. Recently I got into a huge argument with someone online when they accused me of telling girls not to take precautions and she then went on to say that I must be quite young when I mentioned that I got harassed during at a party during Freshers because she's never encountered it and of course what do I expect in that environment. Silly me. ER, HELLO I WAS WEARING A 'MODEST' DRESS AND GUYS WERE STILL ALL TRYING TO FEEL ME UP AND JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T ENCOUNTERED SOMETHING DOESN'T IT DOESN'T EXIST! Also, what was up with 'you sound quite young' argument? Are you suggesting that young women somehow court this attention? Fuck off. If a girl doesn’t consent then you don’t have the right to touch her. Most rapes are committed by ordinary men who the victim knows (74% according to RAINN). These men who have friends and families, and men who may have achieved greatness. Most of the time the attacker is someone the victim knows – a friend, a boyfriend, her friends boyfriend, the guy who works at the coffee shop or a classmate. And it's because of the thinking like this lawyer that a victim is often so scared to report her ordeal because she fears the first question asked shall be 'what were you wearing', quickly followed by 'were you drunk?' She is shamed. She is shamed for something that is not her fault. She is shamed into staying silent. First she is attacked by the rapist and then she's hit by the ignorance of some in society. That is not excusable whatsoever. The only thing that causes rape is rapists and ingrained misogyny in society because of the fact that you do excuse that behavior. Every time we speak up in defence of victims, and stand alongside them, we are showing that compassion costs nothing while ignorance costs your self-respect. When you rape someone you do it with the intention to degrade and humiliate them for your own sexual and fucking stupid gratification. You make that conscious decision to violate another human being. You are blaming all victims by saying 'respectable ladies' do not get raped and are revealing the underlying religious narrative that suggests a woman's worth is based on her sexual perception by society - has she had sex? is she a virgin? how many guys has she done it with? Last time I checked whether a woman was sexually active had less significance that her intriguing thoughts and complex mind. It's as simple as saying her self worth is valued by whether her vagina remains undisturbed. Please, stop telling me victims are to blame. Stop telling me women can prevent rape. Stop with your callous words which can wound someone further. Rape is never the victims fault, never.